2020年01月27日 18:38:56|来源:国际在线|编辑:ask典范

Alexis Glick: As you know today is getting y to throw a hometown wedding this September,the second most popular month of the year to get married. And in case you are wondering, June tops the list and August is the third,so with that in mind, we thought it would be a good idea to tackle a very important topic-Dealing with the in-laws. Dr.Dale Atkins, psychologist and author of "Wedding Sanity Savers"has some advice for us this morning.Alexis Glick: Good morningDr.Dale Atkins: Good morning(twice)Alexis Glick: Well,first of all,it's usually an incredibly stressful period for everybody involved,but you say #1:Get off on the right foot with your in-laws.Dr.Dale Atkins: It's very important to get off on the right foot, because you have to be open, this is a relationshiop for life, and people get a little noddy around the time of the wedding as they are planning the wedding, and sometimes you may think that the way they are behaving is exactly who they are,and it may not be.So you have to be open,you have to observe,you have to listen to them so that you can find out who they are,learn from them,and be respectful. Among every issue that I tell people in this book,with Annie Gilbar who wrote the book with me, is you have to be respectful of this new relationship,because it is growing and it takes a lot of time.Alexis Glick: One of the things is you get into this period where you're engaged and now you have to plan a wedding, there's always seems to be a little bit of tension between the bride-to-be and the mother-in-law,because everything happens so quickly.Why is that?Dr.Dale Atkins: Well, there's a lot of tension because,first of all,the mother-in-law-to-be is all of a sudden losing her son or,you know,when the,usually it's losing her son and she thinks "oh,now I'm not gonna be #1,this other woman is going to be #1.Who is this interloper?" But I want to say that most mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law get along pretty well,and this whole mother-in-law joke kind of thing has given that such a bad rap,and I think it's important(I agree)to develop the relationship and to talk about / things other than the wedding,so that you get to know her,and she gets to know you,and you understand that it's again you have to be respectful of the fact that she is losing her position as #1,but you need to talk about things engage her,ask her advice,and really ask her to be a partner in this whole journey that you are taking.Alexis Glick: One of the things you say is to create a basic plan with your soon-to-be spouse,the two of you sit down,figure out what it is,and then deligate things out so that everybody feels like they are playing a big role in it.Dr.Dale Atkins: I think it's important because you never know who wants to be involved and how much they want to be involved,but first you and your fiancé need to know,do you want a big wedding,do you want a small wedding,do you want a fancy wedding,do you wanna be barefoot on the beach,do you,you know how many people do you wanna have,and what kind of venue do you want.You have to know what you want,and then when you talk about it with your parents and your in-law parents,you then have an idea of how they might be able to be helpful.Perhaps they would like,there's something very important to them,perhaps they would like to have two people officiating if it's an interfaith wedding,and that's really important to them. Or perhaps they want someone honored,who has died. How can you incorporate that element,and really incorporated out of respect for them,and honoring them,because you need to go to them and say, "How can I keep you a part of what's going on,and I appreciate them".So many in-laws do not feel appreciated that they don't feel invited to join.Alexis Glick: Let's now talk a little bit about a couple of problems and some of your solutions.(Okay)One of which you say "Conflicting Loyalties" all of a sudden you got a situation where the son and the mother-in-law are on the same team,and..you know,it's difficult.Dr.Dale Atkins: It is difficult,and one of the worst things is to put your fiancé in the middle between you and his mother,because then he has to choose,and that's really not a good position to be in. It takes time and some of us don't realise this,to shift from being a son,which you've been your whole life,to then being a soon-to-be husband,and you never stop being a son,but you have to get into this new role,everyone is getting used to the roles,and weddings as magnificent as they are also is about loss,so people are losing their positions in one role and becoming in another position.But the thing I'd like to ask people to do is to make sure that their relationship with their spouse is solide,they present a unified front,and then they can talk about how they can engage their soon-to-be spouse to help them,so they don't feel as if they are always being ganged up upon.Alexis Glick: Let's look at a couple of other points you say(Sure). "Standing up for yourself" you also say "Establish you footing in the family" and about "Taking sides" walk through a couple of these points.Dr.Dale Atkins: Okay,you have to stand up for yourself,but you really don't wanna be confrontational. Again,this is a relationship for life,and these are the people who raise the person that you've chosen to live your life with,so if you don't like them,you still have to respect them and you probably don't know them very well,and they don't know you. One of the things I think it's important is standing up for yourself and establishing a footing because you could..they maybe talking about people in the family that you don't know ,you'll say "Remember? I didn't know this person" or "Who is he again?" "Is he married to Aunt Sue?" or "I wasn't on that family vacation" Remember I'm now new here,and I need to be brought up to speak.Alexis Glick: And a great point that you make which is be very careful about venting to your future spouse about their parents.Dr.Dale Atkins: Absolutely,you don't wanna vent about the parents,you also if you are an in-law parent,you don't wanna vent to the other in-law parent about their child,this is about bringing families together and trying to create a relationship for a lifetime.The day of the wedding is only one day,but the relationship lasts forever. And people may behave differently as they are planning their wedding because they are nervous,they are sad,they are anxious,but they have to be considered,because of who they are and their histories,and it really can be a good relationship,but it takes time to build.Alexis Glick: Dr.Dale Atkins,thank you so much,always such great advice,and I love this book—Wedding Sanity Savers,such great advice.Dr.Dale Atkins: Thank you.200707/15394

Terrorism Talks Overshadow South Asian Summit南亚领导人声明共同打击恐怖主义South Asian leaders have agreed to work jointly to combat terrorism, eradicate poverty, ensure regional food security and enhance trade ties. The declaration was affirmed in Sri lanka at the 15th summit of the South Asian Association for Regional Cooperation. The conference was overshadowed by tense meetings on the sidelines involving several of the leaders. 南亚各国领导人同意,要共同打击恐怖主义,消除贫困,保障地区食品安全和加强贸易关系。在斯里兰卡召开的第15届南亚区域合作联盟峰会上,各国通过了达成以上目标的宣言。不过,在大会召开的同时,一些领导人在会外举行了气氛紧张的会晤,给整个大会蒙上了阴影。As the SAARC summit concluded, Afghanistan and Pakistan agreed to devise a "common strategy" to deal with terrorism, including reducing the movement of extremists across their common border.  在南亚区域合作联盟峰会结束时,阿富汗和巴基斯坦同意制定“共同战略”来打击恐怖主义,包括减少极端分子在两国边界地区的活动。In a joint statement following a meeting between Afghanistan's president Hamid Karzai and Pakistani prime minister Yousuf Raza Gilani, the neighbors agreed to coordinate efforts to halt cross-border terrorism.  阿富汗总统卡尔扎伊和巴基斯坦总理吉拉尼举行会晤后发表了一项共同声明,这两个邻国同意协调行动,制止跨越边界的恐怖主义活动。Not mentioned in the statement was the July 7 bombing of the Indian Embassy in the Afghan capital, in which about 60 people died. Afghanistan and India have accused Pakistan's intelligence agency of masterminding the attack.  不过,这份声明并没有提到7月7号印度驻喀布尔大使馆发生爆炸的事。在袭击中有大约60人死亡。阿富汗和印度指责巴基斯坦情报部门策划了这次袭击。Mr. Gilani met Saturday with Indian prime minister Manmohan Singh. The Pakistani leader promised to conduct an independent investigation into the embassy blast and possible links to his country's intelligence service.  吉拉尼星期六会晤了印度总理辛格,并承诺对爆炸案以及此案是否和巴基斯坦情报部门有牵连展开独立的调查。The sideline meetings - and the presence of high-profile observers, including Iran's foreign minister - took the spotlight off the actual summit.  比峰会更引人注目的是在首脑会议外举行的会晤,以及一些高级观察人士的出席,包括伊朗外长在内。The leaders of the association's eight nations pledged a joint fight against terrorism through a convention on trading information in criminal matters, the establishment of a 0-million fund to fight poverty, and the expedited opening of a regional food bank. They also pledged to improve cross-border trading by harmonizing quality standards.  南亚区域合作联盟八个成员国的领导人保要共同协作打击恐怖主义。具体的做法是签署一项在刑事案件方面交换信息的协约;建立一个3亿美元的基金来减少贫困,并加速开办一个地区性食品库。他们还保通过协调各国的质量标准来改善越境贸易。The U.S. assistant secretary of state for the region, Richard Boucher, says such moves demonstrate the regional group is moving beyond the talking stage.  美国负责南亚事务的助理国务卿鲍彻说,这些行动显示,南亚区域合作联盟已经超越了谈判阶段。"I do not think any single organization or any single meeting is going to solve all these problems," said Boucher. "But I think every organization and every meeting should try to make a direct contribution and that is what the SAARC leaders have pledged themselves to do together. And that is what we as observers are trying to work with them to do." 他说:“我不认为任何一个组织或任何一次会议能够解决这些问题。但是我认为每个组织和每次会议都应试图作出直接的贡献,这也正是南亚区域合作联盟成员国领导人保他们共同进行的工作。这也是我们这些观察员试图同他们合作以达到的目标。”In remarks at the summit, the chief of Bangladesh's caretaker government, Fakhruddin Ahmed, said SAARC is finally living up to the ideals it proposed when it was initiated."This summit has rekindled the hope and belief among our peoples regarding the delivery and prosperity that we collectively promised 23 years ago," said Fakhruddin Ahmed.The SAARC leaders represent more than one of every five people on the planet, but 40 percent of the world's poor. The association is composed of Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Maldives, Nepal, Pakistan and Sri Lanka. 南亚区域合作联盟成员国的领导人代表着世界五分之一以上的人口,也代表40%世界上最贫困的人。这个联盟的成员国包括阿富汗、孟加拉国、不丹、印度、马尔代夫、尼泊尔、巴基斯坦和斯里兰卡。200808/45404

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